advance

Days before it is all supposed to change
oh, and it has all been changing
but what i need is more than change
light.

tragedy and beauty

unfurling paper, and bleeding onto the floor 

one can't even feel anymore 

the finality has come and lingers here like a shadow of death in the heart

so many things unspoken

frail words collapse under the weight

oh the weight, of tragedy and beauty

onlookers see and try to believe, saying they understand

pain is our own however

to believe otherwise is to have never stood where I stand

to have never held what I held 

and nothing in me begs to explain...

yes, the pain is our own

and when we start to see God.

John Bunyan's great poem

Chris Davis, our pastor at Whitton, has used this poem in a couple of sermon's lately and I thought I would share it with the world. It is an amazing little piece of food for thought showing the contrast between legalism and the Gospel's good news.

Run, John, run, the law commands
But gives us neither feet nor hands,
Far better news the gospel brings:
It bids us fly and gives us wings.

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Post 100: Don't Fret

From Oswald Chambers' "My Utmost For His Highest" concerning psalm 37:8 which says "Cease from anger and forsake wrath; Do not fret--it only causes harm."

"It is one thing to say 'Fret not,' but a very different thing to have such a disposition that you find yourself able not to fret. It sounds so easy to talk about resting in the Lord and 'waiting patiently for Him' until the nest is upset--until we live, as so many are doing, in tumult and anguish; is it possible the to rest in the Lord? If this 'don't' does not work there, it will work nowhere. This 'don't' must work in days of perplexity as well as in days of peace, or it never will work. And if it will not work in in your particular case, it will not work in anyone else's case. Resting in the Lord does not depend on external circumstances at all, but on your relationship to God Himself....

   Fretting springs from a determination to get our own way. Our Lord never worried and He was never anxious, because He was not 'out' to realize His own ideas; He was 'out' to realize God's ideas. Fretting is a wicked if you are a child of God.

  Have you been bolstering up that soul of yours with the idea that your circumstances are too much for God? Put all 'supposing' on one side and dwell in the shadow of the Almighty. Deliberately tell God that you will not fret about that thing. All our fret and worry is caused by calculating without God. "

- Oswald Chambers

dreams

Tonight my country elected the first black man to the office of President of the United States, the single most powerful position on the planet. For that I am proud. I am under no delusions that the sin of racism is dead, but it is yet another sign that we're moving in the right direction. I don't have to support the candidate himself (or the one who lost) to admit just how historic and beautiful the election of a non-white person to the highest office of the land is. I believe that in my lifetime I will see the first woman president too. The world is changing, and God is still in control, and I feel blessed to live in this time, even amidst the horrifying injustice that exists all over this world. I, and everyone reading this, was born in this era for a reason. May we make the best of it and be the change we want to see in the world.

simply put...

today, Nov 3rd, was a good day. I was able to have some interesting conversations about God and feminism in class, able to see Emery totally rock out (even though the crowd was no good) at Martini Ranch, and spend time with Clint and Jake. I was able to read an amazing article for my Women, Societies, & Cultures class that really caused me to think, I was able to begin reading G.K Chesterton's Orthodoxy, which I already love. These are small gifts from God that remind me that it's good to be alive. I savor them more these days... today I was writing in my journal next to a beautiful desert thinking about the future and a peace that can only come from above came over me. My heart has suffered greatly in the past few months, but even now I can see the light cutting through the darkness...

Thank you Lord for my life.

Davis

 

This is Davis, one of the boys at African Hearts in Kampala, Uganda. He's an incredible kid, one whom I adore so much. Right now, however, he is very sick with Malaria, a common disease in Africa. However, while most people have Malaria more times than they can count, there are different strains of the disease. Davis has caught one of the worst strains, and is currently hospitalized because of it. I'll update this post as I know more, but he's no longer on Oxygen although he still can't really talk. He's on heavy drugs right now in hopes that the parasites do not reach his brain. Please, please pray for this wonderful friend of mine. Thank you, Dan

I've just found out from Jessica who just visited him in the hospital that he's of oxygen, and can't really respond to people although he can hear and understand. It is probably cerebral malaria and they think they caught it just in time. Please continue to pray. 

Nov 2nd: Yesterday I talked to Lutaaya and today I talked to Jessica, and from what they are saying Davis is improving very well. He's still "out of it" quite a bit, but he can move now, is able to speak at a whisper, and can respond to things. The doctors, from what i'm gathering, still don't know how much the malaria has affected him and are going to continue to monitor his blood but also want to take urine samples and do a spinal tap. Scary stuff, so please be in prayer for him. He's such an awesome kid... well, they all are! There have been so many visitors at Mengo Hospital that have come and seen him. Some distant family, all the people associated with African Hearts, etc. Tony told Jess that yesterday over 50 people came and saw him. He is definitely loved. He may not be able to read them right away, but at some point in time! On another note, Ronald, the four year old boy at African Hearts Ssenge house now has malaria as well. It's not as serious, but all malaria is bad so if you could pray for him and the rest of the boys at the house that'd be awesome. Thank you so much. God Bless. Dan

Nov. 8th: I talked with Lutaaya in Kampala a couple of days ago and he says that Davis is doing better and should be home in a couple of days (now) but that another boy is very sick and hospitalized as well... please just keep everyone at African Hearts in your prayers as sickness is pretty common there at this time. Thank you.

fully alive

Life beckons with promises of failure and uncertainty, and yet to be a man fully alive, which is the glory of God, is the strongest call on my life. He who loses his life saves it Christ says, and I can’t imagine saving it here for the ‘pleasures’ of this life. One has to wonder what pleasure should really mean since man is not good, and life not fair, and suffering and pain the norm. Why then do we have pleasure? We needn’t have taste buds to eat, or to enjoy sex to reproduce. But they are good gifts from the Father. So then is our pain, which reminds us that we’re alive, and that this world is not all there is. And, if we hold anything to be true, it should be that the world should be much worse, as it holds the likes of you and I, broken people in desperate need of grace. And yet in this paradox of pleasure and pain I find myself longing to taste the freedom on being truly alive, and have that be God’s glory. This young, yet worn man, much prefers a simpler life to the distraction and abundance found here. The fondest memories I hold are not of things I’d consider fun, but of things I consider beautiful. Holding a small fatherless child in the biting, frigid wind. Praying with a dying woman in her small house. Sharing God’s word with people who have little hope. These are what have defined me, yet defied explanation, as is obvious by my relative silence about them. Yes, I have beheld amazing beauty; from the islands of Hong Kong to the hills of Uganda to the mountains of Hawaii I’ve seen it. Nothing compares to the profound beauty of love, the mastery of which I’ve yet to fathom. I’ve known love in its many forms at various times in my short love, and it defines me, and drives me to a place of pursuing it harder. I’ve received love as well, and for that I am grateful and blessed. True life beckons…. promising what could never be grasped apart from Christ, grace, love, truth, freedom, and hope. Lord, Make me fully alive.

take my life.

take my life.

the past couple of days have been a culmination of something God has been doing in me for a number of years, specifically in the past three months. and praise God because He is good, and i will choose to praise Him amidst my deepest pain and greatest loss. what loss is that? the loss of something i loved in ways that will forever be unknown except to God and i. the (probable) loss of my job. the loss of a grade at school for a class i will probably fail. The loss of my identity as someone stole it. and it was that phone call from USAA reminding me that my identity was not my own anymore that it hit me that this is the story of the past few years of my life. everything has changed since i came back from overseas in 2005. everything. many things have been asked of me that i failed to deliver on. i started to see everything anew, experiencing radical change. every belief i used to have has been shattered. i prayed a prayer a long time ago desiring brokenness and this is where it has led me: to loss. i don't know if He is done and if this is really the culmination, but at the bottom all you can see is up. there are no romantic ideals attached to that concept, and no one's pity will make anything fair or easier. it was never about me, however, it is about Him. making me willing. making me available. making me understand the things i couldn't understand otherwise. i choose to love Him then. i put my heart, the broken, divided, and overused thing that it is, into my palm and offer it with a pained, whispered 'take my life'. He puts His nail-pierced palm out and lets life drip from it onto me saying tenderly 'Take My Life'. but Christ's life takes something i'm not sure i have, courage. i could die much easier for someone i love than to sacrifice my life for simply more pain and loss... but as G.K. Cheserton said "Courage is almost a contradiction in terms. It means a strong desire to live taking the form of a readiness to die." He goes on to say, referencing Matthew 10:39, "'He that will lose his life, the same shall save it', is not a piece of mysticism for saints and heroes." in me is such a strong desire to truly live... and to lose my life. do i have the courage now that i have little left to give up?

fierce. pt II

Sometimes things change, but time is everything

Maquiladora, our murders

The sand beneath her feet was harder than before, and the laughter behind her won't stop. Only part of the tragedy is her last screams will be heard only by her Diablos, the dozen or so men moments away from brutally raping her, cutting her up, and burning her "alive". The other part of the tragedy is the black-on-pink crosses painted around the city in her honor that no one with power will listen to. Justice costs too much. The Maquiladora will come, bringing the money and narcotics that will silence her death. The Maquiladora will leave, silencing the impoverished masses who will work for less. Her tears matter not then, as she's one of hundreds buried in the sands of Juarez. The numbers are our murder weapon of indifference.
Diablo come; Diablo take her away.

Aztlan Journal article by Alicia Gaspar de Alba on the Maquiladora Murders (click "open full text")

Why I'm voting for John Obama

I'm voting for John Obama because I believe he's the right man for the job. He'll do what every politician before him has done; tell us what we want to hear rhetorically (formerly referred to as "lying"). He will use his "Christian" faith to get votes and pander to huge groups of supposedly discerning constituents. He'll raise and lower taxes depending on what is politically feasible. He will listen to anyone who pays enough to have an opinion. He will spend an inordinate amount on defense, and not enough for other things that matter. John Obama is my hero. John Obama will pretend that America (and by association, Americans) is/are superior to everyone else and that they all wish they could be us and if we sell Americanism to the world, they'll be rid of their issues, just like we (almost) are. John Obama loves America. He loves apple pie, high school football, and knows that America needs to enact some "green policies" but will fail to mention to his minions that it will cost their cushy way of life dearly and that our society of consumerism is the single biggest culprit in climate change… after all, it takes a lot of hydrocarbons to move all that junk around the planet! But John Obama believes, even more now than ever, that capitalism is still the miracle cure for our ills and multi-national corporations should do what they want in the world because the only really bad poverty and exploitation is of Americans. John Obama will help restore balance in the universe while blindly supporting Israel, even though Israelis are not Israelites (but shhhh, people don't know that!), much to the chagrin of the millions of Arabs who get their news not from unbiased Western news outlets like CNN but from public terrorist networks like "the Island", Al-Jazeera. Oh yes, John Obama is the man for the job to run the most powerful nation on earth. He'll bring new jobs to America. He'll tell people in Michigan that Toyotas are not better vehicles and that labor union greed and corporate greed are not to blame for sales slumps, after all, who would drive a Lexus over a Lincoln? He'll try and fix healthcare, he's just not really sure he knows how to afford it no matter which route he chooses. He, along with his running mate, Joe Palin, will move quickly to enact many needed changes in American policy like keeping the death penalty even though real 'progressive' and equality-minded societies have long since banned it. He'll also keep the suppression of the metric system at the forefront on his domestic policy, after all, counting by 10's is just too easy and who actually wants to look at the small numbers on their speedometer? John Obama will finally make a decision this country has needed for some time. He will once and for all destroy the evil socialists of Bit Torrent, the P2P file-sharing network, which is the gravest threat to "intellectual property rights" since the iron curtain of communism. Speaking of Communism, John Obama will continue to chastise our brothers to the south. After all, they need to fix themselves, get rid of corruption, deal with the cartels, and convince millions of American addicts to buy American narcotics. John Obama hasn't yet decided on "The Fence", but he's decided on a slogan: "there's enough of you here already". That's why John Obama has developed the 'American Bypass Highway', which will stretch from Juarez to Toronto, is stocked with clean bathrooms and Taco Bells and NO off-ramps. He expects unanimous congressional support. Last but not least, John Obama will never look at the Constitution for guidance, because it's old and brown…. But Wait! Look over there!… a shiny Internet blog written by someone from Bakersfield saying they know something about "Constitutional Freedom!". John Obama will listen to him, the average Joe American. (notice how not a single woman is mentioned in this entire post? That's how John Obama would want it.)

This note is not written to support or tear down either presidential candidate whether it is John McCain or Barack Obama, as there are things about both of them I like and dislike. Rather it is simple satire at the expense of American politics as a whole and has the subtle intent of showing the candidate's similarities over their differences and that maybe the real issues get overlooked in the heat of partisan battle. This election cycle has been rife with doomsday predictions, xenophobia, and saviorizing the candidates ("God, save us from that other guy!") on both sides of the spectrum and I think I was sick of the proselytizing done by believers in the American political faith system who, in my opinion, need to cool it a bit. This isn't 'fair' and sure to upset some people, but I sure feel better.

FYI

Don't believe the hype: To vote or not to vote is not necessarily a moral choice.
:)

friend wheel (pretty cool huh?)

eQuality

"Men of quality are not threatened be women's equality."

nivek.

I love my roommate Kevin. He's always keen on when I'm hurting or need something or have something on my mind. He will encourage and pray for you often. He's still trying to adjust to life back in the US after being in Armenia 17 months.... but he's still the same ole' guy, with lots of humor, wisdom, and brokenness for the hurting. I think he prays more than anyone I know... and it's deep and personal. He might be one of the biggest blessings in my life right now... I thank the Lord for him, not as much as I should, but in that I am learning.

Grand Canyon Photos from Ryan (thanks bro)

success in the "relief" field

I just went to a class for human rights and social justice (Master's level), very interesting. However the guest speaker lady was very.... i don't know how to describe it. She was cool, and fair, but unique. But this is what I learned about "relief" work (sorta, this isn't really fair, but it was funny and you had to be there):

drink. alot.
IREX, and you must know the language
work with the locals, find funding
be committed, get "accepted"
market self: know literature, strong social science research background
have education background
get tan in SE Asia
wait for email for various adventures
love Toyota Land Cruisers ("TLC's" in the biz)
have a little ego
suck up to your "minder"
love WorldVision
do not have a strategy
do not know, for sure, what you do
get a niche, like male sex trafficking
have a thing for 5-star hotels
write emails like they write emails
it is NOT about the issues.
LOG FRAMEWORK
if you don't know: lie.
you have made it if you can say "google me".
overwhelm yourself with data
don't be taken too seriously
tell em' you are a lesbian
"grounded in theory"

may we not forget...

there is always hope.