I’ll be honest. I’ve had so much to think about lately. Mostly because I’ve failed a lot lately. I’ve been rude to people in this country just because they rub against my western sensitivities and sometimes I want to scream at them something as childish as “you suck at capitalism!” when customer service is a foreign concept and you just want to be served because, gosh darnnit, I’m paying! I have much to learn. Africa is hard for me sometimes. In the three times I’ve been here I’ve literally almost stabbed a man in Malawi, lost my mind after getting jumped in Kampala, broke down from some cultural affliction on Rubaga road, almost assaulted a man for grabbing a female friend, and just been a straight-up jerk to nice and well-meaning Ugandans because I needed something to work out, and it just wasn’t. I don’t get cultural shock, but I get cultural annoyance. I don’t even know if it’s the “culture” or just my normal off-center way of thinking…. I’m going more with the latter because I’ve gone of the deep end on more continents than just Africa (ask Rusty: This one time, in Iraq….) But thankfully there are people here who are willing to call me out. I won’t mention any names, but there are definitely people here who don’t let me get away with my antics and insensitivities. And Oh how it hurts… I’m often left reeling as I try to ask myself “yeah… why do I do that?”, and it’s worse when you don’t know the answer. Often I believe it is because I have an insatiable desire to understand everything, and be understood, and here that doesn’t always work. And that leaves me with the question, what does this all mean to me, and can I truly function here as I should? So if I want to decrease so Christ can increase, what should I do…?
What Uganda isn’t to me may be as important as what it is. It isn’t heaven, and the romance wears off every day, but this has served me well, exposing to me the substance of things often not seen here, and it is beautiful underneath. To be perfectly honest I have some real issues with many things here, and most of them aren’t really so much moral issues, just my personal ideas about things coming into conflict with the culture around me. Granted, this is something all people go through as they live in a new place, so take this all with a grain of salt, but I often feel that, in some areas, I’m somewhat more extreme. For example I detest, no matter the culture or location, tradition and protocol (blame the Marine Corps?). It makes no sense to me, and for the life of me I cannot understand where respect comes into play in such arbitrary measures. I think somehow I’ve been burned and/or jaded by people who justify so many things by saying “well that’s just how we do it here” or “that’s how we always do it”. I couldn’t care less if everyone that you’ve ever known has done it that way, it still might be incredibly stupid AND immoral. Morality and truth being the only thing that can truly be argued… That doesn’t mean that I don’t respect others traditions, but being bound by any cultural/societal tradition is extremely painful to me (and often contrary to my convictions). This puts me at great odds with African culture at times, since it is, by its very nature, full of tradition and protocol. The balancing act is in loving people while being able to tell them “this isn’t kingdom culture”. Granted, I only have seen a glimpse of kingdom culture, so who am I to instruct or criticize others, but more and more I feel convicted to face injustice when it rears its ugly head, and at the same time actively seek to love people where they are at and seek God’s wisdom in the process.
In Africa injustice isn’t really that subtle, like it is in the US, where the only injustice we face is really on the individual level or far removed from us in sweatshops in Indonesia. Our laws are fairly just, and our society is so cynical and rights-aware that it lends itself to making injustice a fairly abstract concept. I haven’t really thought that out completely, but I’m formulating an idea… anyways, here in Africa some women just don’t have rights. That’s just how it is. And it is not really the laws. That’s just how it is. And all sectors of society seem to be afraid to stand up and say “this is wrong”. It is like America dealing with racial issues of the past and present. Also here in Uganda, I often revert to the thinking that no one seems to look out for the refugee. “They’re not Buganda” is what people often think or express. Now the west is not immune from tribal affiliation, and I know I have plenty of it in me, but I promise you it is one of the biggest desires of my heart to root it out and destroy it. Few things make me more ill than sweeping distinctions dehumanizing people who are essentially the same as us. It is such a perversion of the image of God we all bear, and I struggle with not losing my mind about it no matter where I am in the world. It hurts me to watch my Congolese brothers and sisters here be treated as “others” because they’re Congolese. Talk about the height of callousness, as if these men and women decided to lose all they’ve ever known to come to a country that by and large doesn’t treat them well, and whose state-run refugee agency doesn’t feed the people even though UNHCR provides said agency with funds and food to do exactly that. But this brings to light an even bigger issue… corruption, poverty, survivalism, and the post-colonial mindset. I can tell you this much, we (our nation-states and the people running them and choosing their leaders) in the West have much to answer for…
Since I am describing things that upset me, I’ll go ahead and mention Miracle Center Church, where the current African Hearts house is closely located. To be blunt, it’s a house of lies, and it makes me, and many Africans and foreigners alike, sick. It’s the prosperity gospel over and over and over. They have tithe two or three times… Mega-pastors of the prosperity gospel come to Uganda (where most people live on less that $2 a day), and specifically to this church, to tell people that if they want to be blessed, give more and more money to this ministry. The only consolation is knowing that God doesn’t look kindly on this spiritual abuse. They have a dozen “miracles” a day and they pray that “God is going to give you that new Mercedes! He’s going to come down and take away your poverty!”, all things I’ve heard there. Mind you, I don’t go to that church, and I’ve only been there twice but they’re up all night loudly spilling forth the most vile of gospels and our house is close enough to absorb their sickness. I believe the people who attend there are great, amazing, people… who want to serve God, and are being told: give this pastor money and you’ll be healed and come out of poverty. I want to plead with that “pastor” about what he is teaching his flock… if their trust in God is based off of them becoming rich like the white people they deify and parade around every Sunday morning, when they become poorer and poorer they will lose hope. If they are told not that God can heal, but that he will heal because they are faithful in giving most of what they make (somebody has to pay for the massive building), and then they grow sicker of AIDS or whatever, they will lose hope. All people needs hope, don’t use them…
Africa is a place of miracles… I believe that with my whole heart. I’ve seen them, most believing people have seen them here. The lame walk. The blind do see and God is transforming nations. Entire areas are coming out of poverty. Droves are coming to the Lords. Abused people are being healed. Demons are being cast out. God is absolutely in the business of blowing our minds and showing his power over darkness… but sin is alive and well, and it thrives in the name of good things. Oh how my heart breaks to know that I have extremely poor friends who gave much of what they own to a won’t-be-mentioned mega-pastor from the United States because he “heals” people and so his ministry must be good. And then that mega-pastor flew back to the US on his Gulfstream V and they went home hungry and sick. Oh Lord have mercy on our souls….
I absolutely believe that God honors the faithfulness of even those who are led astray, but it makes me so angry to see that injustice so rampant here. It was taught to them by western pastors and because of the post-colonial mindset they accepted it as the right way to do it. I’m honestly not trying to make sweeping indictments about “the West” as we’ve done our share of good things too, but know that what has little effect in the US (prosperity gospel, etc) and can easily be ignored, is often mainstream here. Oh how I grow angry about this. It is one thing I often wrestle with God about in the US and in Africa, why the church is often doing as much harm as secular society. I know the answer, because of sin and Satan’s attacks, etc, but my brothers and sisters… if the church can’t be even a little more straight of an arrow that points to God, we’ve, collectively, missed the mark.
However, the beautiful faithfulness of these people never ceases to amaze me though. Their faith here is foolish, as Serge, my Congolese friend here, told me. “African’s faith is foolish Dan, and God’s using it to shame the wise”. He challenges always my logic and reason and doubt. We agree on miracles and healings and the work of the spirit, but he doesn’t even view it through even the remotest filter of cynicism as my “post-modern” mindset is want to do. Serge just loves Jesus and trusts God to be God and continue to move in powerful ways even in the hardest times in life. He’s survived more than probably anyone reading this, and it is because God has a purpose for this life. He doesn’t glorify his people’s or his own suffering, but has seen God’s hand over and over, and he knows beyond the hint of a shadow of a doubt that God is redeeming the world. He has seen evil beyond measure, but has seen, much more than that, glory beyond measure. He hasn’t seen even rumors of another world, but manifestations of that world here. He’s seen subtle miracles almost daily. He, and his fellow refugees haven’t been provided food or even real ways to get a job in over 6 months, but he hasn’t starved to death. God always provides. I often try to ask him “How does God provide” not questioning if God does, but what vehicle and means He uses. Serge really doesn’t understand the question, and that’s ok. I think that says a lot about a man’s relationship with the creator of the universe…
After all, this faith we hold fast to… it’s a foolish thing….
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